Anniversary
by InfiniteUniverses
Summary: Jade tries her hand in irony on her anniversary with Dave, but Dave may just surprise her with something that's not quite ironic unlike usual . . . .


Anniversaries were usually supposed to be really serious. If a guy didn't show up to standards, it was suspected that he may be given the boot. That wasn't the way with Dave and Jade. Dave's ironic bullshit got in the way of conforming with the rest of the nation of guys afraid of their girlfriends. He seriously didn't give a shit if it was a good present or not.

Jade couldn't count the many 'ironic' presents she had received for Dave in the long run of their relationship. The Rent-A-Llama was memorable if not messy, and the dead raccoon with the words 'I Love You' shaved onto its back was a bit odd, but the thing that really took the cake was the birthday party celebrated on their last anniversary.

This year, Dave looked like he was going to take things a step further and was probably going to celebrate their anniversary on a whole different month, if not day. So far this week, Dave had been his regular calm and mildly ironic self, not taking any of the hints Jade had dropped at their anniversary just to try and see whatever ironic shit he had planned, but he didn't even drop a hint about if he had gotten another Llama.

Unlike the rest of the anniversaries they had spent in immortal godhood, Jade was a little bit antsy about this one. She had always been the one of the two to produce a more thoughtful gift, but she was throwing this logical straight out the window. She was jumping on the Ironic Train (which was really a boat on tracks) and headed all the way to Ironic Central Station for this anniversary. It was going to top the ironic cake of anything ironic Jade had ever done in a forced act by a Mr. Strider. It was the ironic sauce on the ironic taco of ironic life with an ironic drink of coolkid ironic apple juice on the side.

She got Dave a cactus.

_Baby steps_, Jade had told herself.

_And maybe the googily eyes aren't helping_, Jade then thought looking at the cactus sitting on her desk. She picked the cactus up and the googily eyes went spinning about. _No, the googily eyes are definitely a bonus_.

With the cactus behind her back, Jade slowly stalked into the kitchen, knowing that she couldn't sneak up on Dave even early in the morning on their anniversary.

Sitting in the kitchen of their shared apartment, Dave was sipping coffee to try to move from the zombie phase to coffee zombie phase in the cycle of waking up. He had his shades on but his eyes were definitely squinted, adjusting to the morning light and still half-asleep because he missed his mouth and poured coffee down his shirt. Jade had almost made it into the kitchen, the farthest she had ever gotten to surprise Dave without him being asleep when the surprise was ruined.

"I like the googily eyes on the cactus," Dave commented looking towards the hallway Jade was hiding in. "Nice touch."

"Shit," Jade just said and came out plopping the cactus down on the kitchen table.

"I like it," Dave admired the cactus from afar.

"It's ironic, right?" Jade asked, hopefully pleasing the Master of Ironic Irony.

"Baby steps," Dave answered coming to get a closer look at the cactus. He rubbed his 5 O'clock shadow as if he was questioning the questions of the universe as he stared at a simple cactus. "It looks alive."

"Why wouldn't the cactus be alive?" Jade pestered Dave.

"Would have been more ironic if it was dead," Dave advised Jade. Jade slapped her hand on her face in shame of forgetting to realize something so simple.

"Good time for the first time you've tried to do anything ironic on your own," Dave gave Jade some praise for her attempt. "I like it."

"Thanks," Jade smiled happy with herself for passing the Ironic Test, even with an obvious low grade.

"I'm naming it John," Dave declared looking at the cactus.

"I thought you named bird egg John," Jade reminded Dave. "John Eggbert?"

"Right," Dave remembered. "I name this cactus Karkactus."

"I like it," Jade agreed. "Much better than Karcan."

"What about Karcan-can?" Dave asked Jade.

"You have to stop torturing Karkat Dave," Jade laughed at the memory of the Karcan-can.

"When Nic Cage becomes a good actor," Dave scoffed. "Now my anniversary gift."

"Oh," Jade said surprised that Dave actually had a gift. "I was going to guess you were going to put the anniversary off for a month."

"It crossed my mind," Dave answered setting his coffee down, looking less like a zombie and more like a human. "But after the Birthday Party last year, I thought I might do something different."

Jade was left completely befuddled as Dave left the room and walked down the hallway into his office. Jade waited for a couple minutes for Dave to come out, but then she decided that he probably wasn't going to come back, and his ironic gift was going to be leaving her alone for the rest of the day. He probably jumped out through the window. It wouldn't be a normal day at the apartment without some of Dave Strider's ironic bullshit for sure.

Jade got around to making herself breakfast and when Dave bust through the front door of the apartment she had already finished one set of French toast and scrambled eggs.

"You must have been freezing out there in the cold," Jade didn't even look up from the newspaper she was reading. "Just having your bathrobe and PJs on."

"I was more worried about this little guy than myself," Dave laughed as he walked over to Jade. He had his hands buried inside his red bathrobe probably trying to warm them up, but instead, he pulled out his hands and he was carrying a small white puppy.

The puppy was probably close to a month or two old because it was still small. It had white soft fur, as soft as silk. It was completely white excluding a black spot over its left eye. It had shocking icy blue eyes and a black nose. The puppy looked pudgy because it needed to grow into its skin. The puppy looked around its new environment in wonder and ready to explore.

Jade was shock speechless. Dave put away his ironic bullshit for one day and had gotten her a completely non-ironic and totally thoughtful gift. With her mouth gapping open, Jade looked between Dave and the puppy with wide eyes. Dave had a satisfactory grin on his face and the puppy's pink tongue was lolling in and out of its mouth.

"Dave!" Jade finally got some words out of her mouth, though she couldn't get anything more out.

"I'm good, aren't I?" Dave basked in the glow of a shocked Jade. "Here, take the little fucker. He's yours."

"Where did you get him?" Jade asked as the tiny puppy was put into her hands.

"I was thinking about getting you something nice," Dave began the story. "Because you usually try to get me something nice, and after having a Birthday Party last year, and the llama before that, and the raccoon before that, and . . . well the list goes on. But, after all of the stupid shit I've done for the sake of irony, I though that I should do something nice to you. I saw that someone was giving away puppies, so I went out and bought one for you. I just got it today though, so you and your dog senses wouldn't find it."

Jade smiled at Dave's story of actually trying to do something truly nice for once without having to bring irony into this. She continued to pet the top of the puppy's head and finally asking, "What's his name?"

"What do want to name him?" Dave asked stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Hhm, let's name him Isaac," Jade decided on. The puppy barked, seeming to agree with his name.

"Well, I'll leave you too to get puppy stuff," Dave told Jade. "Because I have no fucking idea what dogs need."

Jade laughed at this revelation as Dave seemed to uncomfortably walk down the hall.

"Where are you going?" Jade asked Dave in confusion.

Dave was silent for a moment before answering, "On the way to the apartment, the little fucker peed on me!"


End file.
